Monday, September 23, 2013

Excuse me for just a moment...

....but I feel the need to detour for just 1 post from our regularly posted updates.  I feel the need to state the obvious, vent just a little bit, and then I will return you to our regularly scheduled program :)

I have been seriously bothered by a recent blog post I read.  Its really been bugging me.  And while this is my "diary" and I have spent countless minutes posting complaints and sob stories, I have always done my very best to keep this blog focused where it should be....on all of the positive experiences that surrogacy has brought to my life, of the blessings I have felt, of the miracles I have witnessed time & time again.  I don't claim to be perfect, but I do hope that my attitude has always been one of humble thanks.

Anyway, back to the blog post....when I read it, I was left sickened.  The particular post was one from a fellow surrogate, not anyone I know or am familiar with, but one that my current IM Carrie led me to.  Its a blog she has been following, and she simply inquired as to whether or not I happened to know this particular woman.  Her name didn't ring a bell, but I glanced at some of her recent posts, then decided to close my browser.  You see, one of her posts struck a terrible nerve with me, filled with lots of profanity (masked in symbols and letters).  Profanity is what it is, lots of 4 letter words that I choose not to use in my daily life.  My mother always told me that profanity was a sign of ignorance; that it was someone's lack of ability to express themselves with anything other than a simple 4-letter word.  I'm not judging someone by their vocabulary, but to me, posting something of that nature on the internet, where it will be forever read and seen (even if deleted later), isn't a very good idea, and is a poor reflection of someone's character.  And further, the idea that my IM has been following her blog, and read her tirade, has just upset me all the more.

You see, I am a surrogate mother.  I have carried 3 precious miracles of my own and have experienced everything that motherhood entails.  I have been blessed beyond measure to carry 1 little miracle for Allison, sweet little Emma, 1 beautiful little miracle for M&A, Alexandra, and now another little miracle baby for my current IP's Carrie & Marc.  My road hasn't always been easy, my last pregnancy landed me on the OR table having a c-section, and my path has been filled with allot of ups & downs.  But, through every little valley, I have always given thanks for the road I have walked.  I have always attempted to redirect my complaining to the gratitude of being able to do what I have done for the families God has placed in my life.  The little inconveniences I experience to get to where I am, they are just little inconveniences, blips of time that pass, ending in such an amazing joyful moment, no words can describe it.

Sometimes things just stink - reactions to shots, nausea, vomiting, aches & pains - in my book, all worth every single second.  Its not fun and definitely not all daisies & roses when I'm in the big middle of it, but it is something I chose to deal with.  I knew full-well what I was in for for the most part!  I didn't blindly sign a consent form and then say "Wait a minute!  You didn't tell me A, B & C!!!  This sucks, and I'm done!!!!"  There have been allot of things I was clueless about, but when I reached those moments, I had to stop & think....what would my IM give to be in my shoes at this very moment?  Likely just about anything!!!  Its not about me, it's about my IP's and their undeniable desire to become parents.  Its about me, giving of myself for a short span of time, to bless someone else with a gift no words can explain.  To get to the end game of giving back what they have asked me to care for for a brief 9 months.  Its also not about me being anyones hero or tooting my own horn, but about my desire to simply bless someone.

To know that my beautiful, kind-hearted, sweet IM had to read the tirade of a hormonal woman upset about the discomfort she's experiencing at this time upset me.  I can completely relate to the frustration and discomfort, 150%, but I just feel sorry for her.  For the fact that she took the time to post such an ungrateful post, and for my IM to have read it, just makes me wonder what her IP's must be feeling?  I, for one, know many MANY ladies that would give their right & left arms to experience every single ache & pain & discomfort to carry their own child, and yet this GS went off saying she couldn't do it for 5 or 6 more weeks.

Um, excuse me, have you lost sight so easily of the end-game?

Ok, I'm done....

Carrie & Marc, M&A, and Allison, you guys will never know how very grateful I am to you.  Your ability to trust me, a total stranger for the most part, to care for your precious off-spring, brings me to my knees time & again.  I am and will forever be blessed by the friendships we have formed, and for the life-long relationships we will have.  I wanted you to know that I truly appreciate each of you.  You are loved!!!


Krystal said...

Pretty sure you're referring to MY blog post and sorry if it offended you or your IM. I'm in no way saying that I didn't know any of this was coming etc, BUT I am keeping a REAL diary of MY feelings, emotions, pains, joys, and sorrows. If that offends you, then by all means feel free to unfollow. It's not all gonna be sunshine and unicorns. Apparently it really struck a chord with you for you to write an entire 7 paragraph post about it, but like I said, it's MY story and MY feelings. Just because X isn't able to experience carrying a child doesn't mean that I should in turn mask what I'm truly feeling. Anyway, again, apologies for offending you or your IM and I've been routing for you guys since the beginning. Hope all continues to go well.

Allison said...

I just went and read the post and my response is "yuck". It's hard to read or hear someone complain about something you willingly signed up for and are getting paid for my you. Anyways, enough said. Jenn, you know I love you and am so thankful you helped bring my miracle into this world and allow me to be a mommy. There's no way I'll ever be able to thank you enough, but you know my heart. Emma and I adore you. On another note, can't wait to hear about the US :)

Hugs to you and Carrie :)

Unknown said...

After reading the blog I felt nothing, I think people's blogs are out there to express their journey. So what if she used symbols to express vulgar words, shots hurt, I want to read an honest blog about ALL the ups and downs. And Allison I am so happy you were given this gift but I almost got sick to my stomach when I read your comment. So because I am "getting paid" I should shut up and not express the pain I go through in making my IP's a parents.

Allison said...

"Unknown", you're right, I probably shouldn't have said that, but it was a harsh response to a harsh remark. Of course you can express how you feel, we're just saying how we feel about hearing that. If Jenn had said that, I would have felt horrible.

Morgan said...

I am not sure where the harsh remark was, I must have missed it. I looks to me like Krystal was writing her blog minding her own business when Jenn decided to do a whole rant and judge another human for having feelings and expressing pain. It is just makes me sad and so happy to be blessed with a wonderful group of good Christian woman.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys congrats on the good report at sono!
I must say I disagree with you about Krystal's blog post. ( I haven't read it yet, but going off what I gathered from your post). I think showing the good, bad and ugly can be an important part of that particular story. I don't think you should complain ALL the time or often, but I don't think a post about the discomfort is out of line. And the whole "you're getting paid" thing bothers me too. People get paid to work but its acceptable to complain about aspects of jobs too. Besides the fact that for most of us, the money payment is nothing compared to the emotional aspect of helping a family in this way. Just my two cents.
Best of luck with that little bean! (PS this is Julie, posting from my phone)